I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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