Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
