I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
