I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
