i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
