I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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