like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
