im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
