Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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