I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
