So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
