he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
