i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, beer. Big fan.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
