I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
