drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
