There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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