In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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