I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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