a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
