i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
