dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
