She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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