This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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