Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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