a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
