Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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