She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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