thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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