The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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