I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
