My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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