i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think i got beer on your cat.
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