Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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