...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
