Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
