god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
