At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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