speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
