i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't want my vagina anymore.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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