so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
