you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I made him laugh his dick is mine
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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