I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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