the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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