They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
