she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
