I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
