so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
