dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
