Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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