My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
