Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
