I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
